When I was a young woman, being a mother was something that held no interest for me, but when I reached my late 30’s my biological clocked kicked in and suddenly I yearned to be someones mum.
I tried to get pregnant naturally, but every month was unsuccessful, and so I began the painful and emotional rollercoaster journey of IVF, over the years I did about six rounds of IVF, all with disappointing results. One day I lay on my bed, doing some mediation, and I felt a cool breeze starting from the top of my head that travelled along my body and right over my feet, I closed my eyes tight and just knew that this was a message from my beloved grandmother who had passed on, and that whatever happened, everything would be as it should be, and that she was by my side. I started to make peace with the fact that maybe it wasn’t my destiny to be a parent, and as I slowly let go of the dream a miracle happened, I finally fell pregnant with my wonderful twins.
Gala Isolde and Roman Wolfe arrived at 29.5 weeks, and were born the day after my birthday! They were so tiny, I remember looking at them through their incubators in hospital and being too scared to touch them with my finger, they were bright red and looked like little alien fairies, so delicate and otherworldly, even then Gala was funny, something about her whole demeanor was comical and willful, the sweet Caribbean nurses who looked after her made her a special little hat with a bow, and they would say to me with a laugh “That Gala she is feisty!!” Poor Roman had awful acid reflux, he was more serious and in pain, his little chin would wobble and as I looked at him one day I thought he would have a long life. He was bigger than Gala, and still is to this day, she never caught up to him, we call Gala mouse as she is so small.
Today my adorable twins are five years of age and so sweet, naughty, curious, kind, bossy, creative, independent and funny.
Roman and I will sit on the sofa and sometimes watch a Disney movie and if someone dies and the character has to learn the lesson of loss, I will cry because I’m a big softie, and to my amazement I will look over at Roman and see big hot tears cruising down his cheeks, and I’m amazed that someone so young understands and feels empathy for others? And I think to myself what a gentle, loving soul he is and how lucky the woman he will marry.......yes I know I’m already biased! Miss Gala is a beacon of light, we are all under her spell and attracted to her like moths, she shines, and you just want to be near her and have her sweet little mouth whisper something silly into your ear, and for a moment you are her best-friend and giggling conspirator. I love how brave she is, once I took her to a class mates birthday party, when she first started school, and when we entered the venue not one child spoke to her, she sat in the circle of kids watching the entertainer and kept looking at me and smiling, I was touched by her sweetness, I could have cried, but she never felt sorry for herself, Roman would have got sad and told me that he was being left out and had no friends, but not Gala, she will slowly work on you and win your heart with her cheekiness, I think in life she will preserver, and what an outstanding quality to have! I adore the candid moments I catch of Roman and Gala hugging and kissing one another, they fight but they love one another so much, I watch them being affectionate and I get this feeling that they might have been a married couple in a past life, they are so cute together and inseparable, Roman tells me he doesn’t need friends as he has Gala. My hope for the twins is that they always feel valued, loved and supported, that they get to always do, what the want to do, and not what I want! When Roman is walking along the street like a snail and I’m in a hurray and getting frustrated, I have to remind myself what a gift he is, when Gala draws a huge self portrait on the white wall of our flat, I have to remember my life is better because she is a part of it!
Parents our job is one of the hardest that we will ever do, give your self a big pat on the back, we are all trying to do the best we can, we aren’t perfect but the most important thing we can give our child is our time, so put that phone away, don’t look at your emails for a few hours, try and not think about all the jobs we have pending, take that little soft hand in yours and plan an adventure, because the sweetest words spoken are “Mummy what are we doing today?” these moments are fleeting and a chance to have some child like fun. When Roman gives me one of his gorgeous smiles and calls me mummy, it still touches my heart as I realise what a gift the Universe allowed me to experience.